A narcissist will always be an narcissist. They will always make others believe they are good. They will always play their role when out in public and perform well for a crowd. They will make people think they are fun, kind, and outgoing. They will always hide their true selves from people. It is behind closed doors that they let themselves be free. It is behind closed doors they rant, they fight, they explode on the ones they swore and promised to love.
We hear people ask the victim of a narcissist, “why don’t you leave him?” Or we hear them say it can’t be true. The narcissist is too good to be someone who would abuse you. The real question should be, “why isn’t he in jail?” It shouldn’t be up to the one being abused to explain why they haven’t left, why they feel they can’t leave. They need support, not guilt. An abuser is never made to prove he/she hasn’t been abusive. It is always up to the victim/survivor to prove they’ve been hurt. Having a black eye, broken bones, or a bloody nose is never enough either and that’s a serious problem with society. Cops are called. They show up. The narcissist plays his cards of being the good guy and the next thing anyone knows, the cops are writing it off as a fall and rolling their eyes at the abused.
A PFA is just a piece of paper. It doesn’t keep a narcissist away. It’s also hard to even get a PFA as judges are just as corrupt as cops. A narcissist with deep pockets and deeper connections is hard to escape. They pay people off to believe them. They pay judges off to make the abused look like a fool when all they want to do is escape the pain, escape the hands that hurt them.
The family of a narcissist will support him/her fully. They’ll make you think you’re crazy and that things aren’t really happening. They’ll guilt you to try and make you think you are making the wrong decision in trying to leave. They’ll back you into a corner so you can’t leave, so the abuse can keep happening. They can’t imagine their “innocent” offspring being so evil as to hurt someone.
Friends and family who wear blinders won’t be of any help. They’ll also support the narcissist and be shocked you don’t see yourself in the perfect relationship. People only see what they want to see, believe what they want to believe. When it comes down to it, a victim/survivor feels the most alone when they turn to those they think they can trust just to be discouraged and pushed back to the abuser.
A narcissist will always be a narcissist, but a victim may not always be a survivor. Too often a victim is left with no resources, no support, no help and they give up on life. Too often their voices go unheard. Too often their lives come to an end, either by the narcissist or by their own hand. When will society stop asking “why don’t you just leave” and start helping victims to have a voice so they can survive abuse? When will enough people lose their lives to abuse that society, family, and friends finally take a stand and demand change? I know I’m already there and I’m ready to demand change. I believe you and I’ll help your voice be heard. I’ll stand for you and beside you. I will always support you.