For many, the knowledge of school shootings is everywhere. Tennessee just had their own school shooting. Yesterday a nationwide hoax was put out there and our sons’ school was one of the ones that received the active shooter, injuries happening calls. Panic sets in and so does a helpless feeling as you wait to know what is happening and if everyone is okay. Thankfully, we learned how amazing our area is with police response and there was no hesitation. It was a hoax and other schools were also involved in our area and state. Other states also had the same calls go out. As my wife said, it’s no longer a hoax. It’s terrorists.
I had started reading more about shootings that have occurred and have learned that shortly after they happened, other nationwide calls happened. People ride on the fear. We live in a very sad world where people think it’s okay to take the lives of innocent children and people. We live in a messed up world where people want to create chaos and panic.
If the focus were on love instead of hate, maybe we could make a change. Maybe. Some people are too far gone. Some people see their own traumas as a reason to hurt others. Your trauma is NEVER okay to be taken out on innocent lives. You are not the only one who has had trauma. A lot of people in this world have gone through hell in their lifetime. They choose to not hurt others because of it. For some, they actually choose to be the voice so others aren’t hurt. Violence is never the answer.
You don’t owe those who hurt you a damn thing. You don’t owe them your time or attention. You don’t owe them an apology for creating boundaries or for walking away. You will never receive an apology from toxic people, the apology they do owe you. They will never admit to the things they have done. They will try to guilt you and pull you back in and continue to use, abuse, and hurt you. They never deserved you in their life. They didn’t have a right to do the things they did. You have the right to find your own peace of mind and to break free from them and their lies. You deserve to have happiness and to find your self-worth, and they will always try to keep that from happening. Move forward. Process your trauma. You don’t owe them anything, but you owe yourself the ability to heal safely and fully.
Monsters exist. They come in the form of family. They come in the form of friends. They come disguised as people who care and get your walls down just so they can hurt you in the end. They will do anything for money, hurt whoever they’re asked to hurt. Many think cults are a conspiracy, but they’re not. They’re truly a group of people with the same mental illness that makes them think it’s okay to hurt people and torture people. I hear so much on Scientology, but Jehovah Witness is the same. So many also disguise themselves as a religion, but behind closed doors have other things going on as well. Some aren’t even part of the religion. They’re just sick and will go along with anything. Too many people with money thinks it gives them power to hurt others and that’s exactly what they do.
We often brush off the trauma family members cause because they are family. We think they do things out of love, but they still hurt us. It causes a conflicting feeling of what love is and it makes learning to cope and deal a struggle. We can heal our trauma. It is okay to create boundaries. It is okay to take care of ourselves. It is okay to feel hurt, damaged, broken, or betrayed by the things they did or that they allowed to happen to us.
We learn nature verse nurture at an early age. We learn trust verses mistrusts. We often think every family is the same and it’s okay and normal what we’ve been through. We don’t know it is trauma. If we try to talk about it at an early age, we get silenced. We carry the pain and baggage with us through the years and have no clue what is okay, what isn’t, and how to speak about it because of being silenced for so long.
I am hear to tell you, if they hurt you, it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your choice. You believed in them to take care of you and they didn’t. You trusted them to keep you safe and they didn’t. It is a them problem and not a you problem. But if you don’t try to heal, if you don’t learn how to cope, what they did to you becomes a you problem. You aren’t able to let things go. It builds. It causes unhealthy coping mechanism. It causes defense mechanisms. They don’t care about what they did to you or how you struggle into your adulthood. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but if you’re going to learn to work through things, it’s a stepping stone.
You have to focus on unlearning their methods. You have to learn what makes you happy, even if it goes against everything they’ve ever said to you. It’s a process that requires time and patience. Some wounds are too deep to try and heal. You learn to live with these traumas. But some of them are able to be healed. You learn to trust again. You learn to live again. I am here to tell you it is possible. I believe in you. And sometimes just knowing one person does believe in you, it makes the difference. It let’s healing begin.
When the hard days keep coming, or feel to heavy to be able to keep going, know you can come to the other side of it. This is temporary. You won’t know that if you give up though. These struggles won’t last forever. The bad feelings won’t always be at the top. You’re going to have days when you feel good and able to tackle whatever comes your way. You’re also going to have days when you want to hide away from the world. It’s okay to have both. Try to not let the bad days overtake the times things have been good and positive. They’re just right around the corner. Keep going. You matter and you have a purpose in this life.