I haven’t always believed I deserved to be loved. Most of my life I felt like I didn’t deserve happiness, kindness, love, or a voice to be heard. I am worthy of it all.
They said I was miserable. They said I was depressed. They said I was poison. They said I would always fail. They said I would always fall down. They never knew me. Their words never mattered. It took time before I realized their words didn’t matter. How could words from people who only wanted to see me as the words they picked out ever know me? Did they ask me how I was? Did they really listen to anything I said? Did they even care? No. I was to be a pawn. Used by people who were to be my friends and family. I was only ever to be the words they used to describe me, but I never was any of those things. Did I have times when I was down? Yes. I’m human. Did I have times when I struggled? Yes, doesn’t everyone? But those things didn’t make me a miserable, depressed mess. It was a single paragraph in the book of my life. It didn’t define me. And how they saw me didn’t either. I’m a happy person. I’m an optimistic person. I look for ways to help others and always try to make people feel better. Those who used and abused me taught me everything I wasn’t. They taught me I never wanted to be like them. They took their own personalities and cast their darkness onto me, but their darkness wasn’t mine to carry. I am the light. I’ve always been the light. It wasn’t until I found my love, or more like we found each other, that I really realized I wasn’t the words used to describe me. She helped to bring out who I really am, who I’ve always been, but others tried to take away. She brought out all the good in me and helped me to really shine. She showed me people can only hold me back if I let them. And that with her beside me, I’d never have to go at anything alone. She’s stood beside me, has countered everything the others said, and showed me how much love I deserve and how bright my light really is.