I’m having one of those types of mornings when I’m questioning God. I have times like this every once in a while. I have a prayer journal, but I also say prayers slightly and out loud. My relationship with God has included yelling at him, crying to him, expressing the happiness in my life, and giving thanks. I try to always keep faith and hope in life, no matter what life may throw at me.
I guess the purpose of this post is to make it known, whatever relationship you have with God, it’s yours and yours alone. If you don’t believe in God, but believe in something else, that’s also your personal relationship. While I’m questioning God today, I still have faith and believe. I just get upset that it feels like He leaves me a lot. I’ve seen a lot of bad things in life and it upsets me. Children shouldn’t die of cancer. We shouldn’t have homeless people while there are people with billionaires of dollars for posting a picture of their breakfast. We shouldn’t have people getting away with murder, literally, while sitting in mansions paid for by the money they receive by commiting the ultimate sins.
I understand the concept of Adam and Eve and how sin came to be, but that doesn’t mean it has to be this way. My mind doesn’t work like a normal mind. I see the Bible as being broken into those who choose love and those who choose greed and law. Those who choose love are the ones who actually end up with the greater stresses in life and have to worry about being hurt for love. Those who back greed and law are the ones who punish the ones who chose love. We have mints to make money so no one would have to actually go without, but the greedy create laws to make it so they can become wealthier, but they’re the only ones. I’m getting off topic, but it actually is part of my questioning. How is it some have everything and some have nothing, but it all could be equal?
This post is a rambling one, but blogging is a way to get things out. Maybe someone else has felt the way I’m feeling and can relate to it. I know plenty of people don’t believe in God and might say I just need to find something else to believe in, but I can’t. I do believe in the universe too. I believe in energy and something bigger. I just feel the two go together, but not everyone does.
I can look back over life and see why somethings hadn’t turned out the way I wanted. There was something bigger in the works, I just didn’t know it at the time. Things had to align to come together and it wasn’t to align in my timing. I try to have patience, but I lack it. I get scared. I know I’m to pick faith over fear, but that’s a hell of a lot easier said than done. I just would love for the bigger picture to come together, for prayers to be heard, and to land where I’m to land.