Look Closely

The world is full of chaotic moments. Times of rushing, trying to keep up with it all. Times of not knowing if you’re coming, going, or what detour is next. Inside of the chaos, beauty can be found. There’s beauty in holding your lover’s hand. There’s beauty in a thank you from a stranger. There’s beauty in being appreciated. There’s beauty in feeling heard. There’s beauty in a child’s excitement. There’s beauty in letting go of control and letting things unfold the way they’re supposed to, knowing it’ll somehow end up okay.

I lost myself. Recently, my energy left me. My mood turned sour and negative, a bit frustrated and angry. No matter what I’d try, I couldn’t bring my mind back to home base, to the core of who I am. I have no clue why it happened or how it happened. But it did and I think everyone at some point hits this point too, knows how this feels.

I think I started questioning my path in life. Trying to figure out what I wanted my end goal to be, where I was meant to end up and how I was to go about this life. Life is big. It’s overwhelming. It’s complex. It’s damn chaos at times. My path took a hard right when my mind took a left and I wasn’t aligned.

Anyone who knows anything about me, I’m about balance and alignment. Somehow, I threw myself completely off balance. I’ve always appreciated waking up each morning. I’ve tried to be grateful for the ups and downs in life because each were building me into the person I’m meant to be. I stopped questioning the timing and had faith to know it all would come together when it was meant to. I’d meditate on things, bringing peace to my mind. I’d work on my chakras, visualizing them spinning and open and welcoming to the universe and earth’s energy.

I had felt a shift, a change, but I couldn’t stop it. My mind went spirally and I stopped being appreciative and grateful. I started getting bitter at the people in life I know who have done bad things to get further in life (currently, looking at you L.R.) and questioned why God thought it was okay to reward evil and let good suffer. I don’t have to understand it. I just have to let go of needing to know. I have to let go of that control and believe that good comes to those who do good and are good. I have to stay true to myself, to keep coming back to who I am at the core. I’ll admit it. I love myself. Not in a conceited way. In self-love. I stopped loving myself for a bit. I put too much focus on the wrong in life and not enough on the good. But. All I’ve just gone through led me to realize there is beauty in the chaos.

I am coming back to myself. I am love, I send love, I receive love. My energy won’t be held down. It will rise just as the Phoenix does. Here is my chaos. Here is my beauty.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. It’s written from my heart. It’s not a ramble. It’s me. My authentic true self that I lost and she was just waiting for the words to be able to be found again. I pray and hope you find beauty in your chaos. Peace and blessings.



It isn’t easy when you keep praying and nothing happens. You see other peoples’ prayers and dreams coming true and you keep holding faith your day will come. I hope today is your day and your prayers finally come true.

Some Advice You Can Take Or Leave

Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com

I thought a title of “Some advice you can take or leave” would sound interesting. I do have some advice I’d like to share. It’s been a realization. When I was younger, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. As a lot of kids feel, you want to make your parents proud of you. So you spend some time thinking you want to follow in their footsteps. You may hear everything they’re saying… like “get a job that pays well. You need a job that will be around for a long time. Hey, I have a friend who works here that can get you an in…” But you know what? None of that matters.

My advice to you is to truly spend some time figuring yourself out. What drives you? What are you passionate about? If you could do anything, no limited mind thinking, what would you truly want to do? It’s not an easy answer. For most of us, there are limitations. There isn’t enough funding for schooling. There isn’t the opportunity. You’re not able to move away. You started a family young and have responsiblities there. Our minds tell us there is no way we can accomplish our goals. That’s a big lie our minds love to drive home. We may have outside influence who also tells us that too.

When you look back over the years, it isn’t going to be about who you made proud, how much money you made, or where you ended up that hits you. It’s going to be the feelings surrounding it all. Are you proud of yourself? Are you happy? Money and power make this whole damn go round, but when we end up in the ground, it doesn’t truly matter any how. It’s just hard when we’re walking this earth to not be focused on it when it’s needed for everything. I will suggest finding what you love to do and making that your career. Money will come along with it, but you won’t be waking up dreading work every day if you enjoy what you do.

This was my random ramble for the time being. Do the things you would be proud of. Live the life you desire. May all good things come to you at the precise time you’re needing them to come. Blessings.