Possible trigger warning…. healing trauma
We often brush off the trauma family members cause because they are family. We think they do things out of love, but they still hurt us. It causes a conflicting feeling of what love is and it makes learning to cope and deal a struggle. We can heal our trauma. It is okay to create boundaries. It is okay to take care of ourselves. It is okay to feel hurt, damaged, broken, or betrayed by the things they did or that they allowed to happen to us.
We learn nature verse nurture at an early age. We learn trust verses mistrusts. We often think every family is the same and it’s okay and normal what we’ve been through. We don’t know it is trauma. If we try to talk about it at an early age, we get silenced. We carry the pain and baggage with us through the years and have no clue what is okay, what isn’t, and how to speak about it because of being silenced for so long.
I am hear to tell you, if they hurt you, it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your choice. You believed in them to take care of you and they didn’t. You trusted them to keep you safe and they didn’t. It is a them problem and not a you problem. But if you don’t try to heal, if you don’t learn how to cope, what they did to you becomes a you problem. You aren’t able to let things go. It builds. It causes unhealthy coping mechanism. It causes defense mechanisms. They don’t care about what they did to you or how you struggle into your adulthood. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but if you’re going to learn to work through things, it’s a stepping stone.
You have to focus on unlearning their methods. You have to learn what makes you happy, even if it goes against everything they’ve ever said to you. It’s a process that requires time and patience. Some wounds are too deep to try and heal. You learn to live with these traumas. But some of them are able to be healed. You learn to trust again. You learn to live again. I am here to tell you it is possible. I believe in you. And sometimes just knowing one person does believe in you, it makes the difference. It let’s healing begin.